I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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