Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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