so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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