Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
