Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
