im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so let's talk penis.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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