how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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