remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
