No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
