that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
