I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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