I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
