all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
