They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
