we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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