i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
