morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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