he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize