i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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