Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
