Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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