He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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