Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.