Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?