dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
