Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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