Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
