We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
