im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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