im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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