You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
