would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
