Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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