Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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