Please, let me fuck your mom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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