Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
