Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
