I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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