you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We need to get me chipped asap
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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