It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
