Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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