This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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