The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ttyl tear gas
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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