i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
