Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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