After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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