My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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