Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
