My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
