New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
