So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
