Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
