So drunk its hurt
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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