Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
