Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
