I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
