I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
