idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
