so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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