I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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