When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
