My room smells like vodka and shame
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
